Holding On

Lucy's service was absolutely beautiful. God was glorified and you could most certainly feel His presence. It was gut wrenching to watch Kim, Micah and Ella walking up to Reflection pond carrying Lucy's casket. I held it together as best I could because Nathan and Madelyn were with us. We chose for them to come because they are at an the age that they understand what is going on and we wanted them to have closure and understand how this was a celebration for what Jesus has done for all of us. Sometimes I think they seem to understand better than we adults do at times. I wish I could have the child like faith that they do. Nathan was so sweet at the service, he stood with his head bowed and hands folded and tears streamed down his face. I think he gets it. I praise God for his tender heart.

It started raining after the service and it just seemed so appropriate for some reason. It was like the angels in heaven were weeping with us. When we got to the church for the luncheon the sky was clear and the sun was shining only on the church. Everywhere else it was cloudy. Wow! At the lunch they showed the video of Lucy that Jarrett and I had made. We did this for Carter 2 years ago and it just seemed plain weird to be doing it again. We spent 4 hours looking for the perfect song to put all of her pictures to and just couldn't find her song. Jarrett was on his computer and I was on mine desperately searching. Last week a friend of my mother in laws sent Kim a comment on her blog about this other lady that had recently gone through a similar situation. She gave Kim the link to her blog. So I spent Saturday night reading it and getting to know this precious family who lost their daughter Audrey. Her husband is the singer in a christian band, Selah. After their loss they wrote this beautiful song and I thought that would be the perfect song for Lucy. The only problem was the song will not be released on his album until fall.

Fast forward to Tuesday night around 10pm and we are stressing about what song to use for the video. I remembered that song and I knew Kim had heard it as well and we both thought it would be the perfect song. I told Kim there was no way to get it and the Lord knows Jarrett tried everything to get it. So I decided to email the lady, Angie, and tell her the situation and ask if we could borrow it for the funeral. I am not kidding, within 10 minutes she emailed us back with the mp3 for it. God is so good!!! Only He could have worked that out! It was the perfect song for Lucy. Take a look at Audrey's blog, you can hear the song there. (I will carry you) The link is on the side of my blog.

I kind of fell apart this morning. The grief kind of rushed in like an unwanted visitor. I know Lucy is in the place we long to be some day and is dancing with Jesus. I take comfort in that. My heart just aches for Kim. I hate that she is hurting and it hate that so many other mothers have faced this same loss and will face it in the future. As a mother I can't even imagine the pain. I am holding on to God's promises today.